An Ode to Mitch

I grew up as an abused child of divorce in a big-blended, sometimes Catholic practicing family, during the late 90s and early 2000s. My education on love, dating, and marriage was unique and quite lacking. My life was spent trying to appease my abusers and anticipating their needs. I was obsessed with finding a life partner, creating my own family, and never ever getting a divorce. 

I had no idea how to do this. At one point in my pre-teen years, I made a long list of everything I wanted in a mate. A guitar-playing Catholic who loved musicals, was outgoing, and educated were high on the list. Another time, I signed an abstinence pledge at my church, all while dating boy after boy, desperately seeking the love I was not receiving at home. I would trauma dump and love bomb. You name the toxic behavior and I did it.

As a young adult, and through my company’s EAP program, I was finally able to seek the therapy I always knew I needed. Here I learned new phrases such as: boundaries, self love, narcissism, codependency, and emotionally immature parents. I started to heal and love myself. 

In March of 2014, for one of the first times in my life, I had a period of prolonged singleness that I was actually fine with. I was in my LPN nursing school program. I had no time for a man. Then at an old friend’s BBQ, right as I was getting ready to leave, I spotted a very tall, handsome man working on caramelizing onions to put with a brie cheese. My interest peaked. 

I pulled my huge blue college sweatpants up to be just a little bit tighter and took a seat at the kitchen table. I wanted this man to notice me. He was so quiet and focused on his dish. I could not get him to notice or engage with me, which peaked my interest even more. (Years later I learned that he had in fact noticed me. He was taken aback by my small frame, impeccable beauty, and outgoing personality. He thought I was well out of his league). 

Before leaving, I asked my friend who was hosting the party what this mystery man named Mitch’s deal was. “Was he single? And could he give me his number?” My friend said he would pass along the message. I got home to a Facebook friend request and message. Quickly, we planned a first date, to my neighborhood bar Barry O’s. My best friend at the time came with me as a safety measure. As we learned more about this mystery man named Mitch, my friend that came with got a little tipsy. We left with her exclaiming to him, “You’re the best guy she’s ever been interested in! Way better than the last!”

Mitch came from a world quite opposite of mine. He was raised as an only child with kind and loving parents. He had graduated college on time, was living in a beautiful apartment downtown, and had just scored a great job that he is still with today. He was the total package. 

Meanwhile, I was living in basically a frat house called the stoop house. It was located off 30th and cumming, or what I called the ghetto burbs. I had three male roommates, one female roommate, and three cats (only one mine) presiding at the stoop at that time. One of the bedrooms had been turned into a DJ booth, so I lived in the creepy basement, in a room that could only fit a bed which we all called Julio’s cave of wonders. The stoop was a hub of constant activity for our extended friend group. Often finding random friends crashed out from the night before in the living room, coming home to a party after working a 12-hour-day, or a random home-cooked meal with everyone playing a board game or watching a movie. It was the island of misfit toys. A mismatched group of mid-20 somethings who’s only common bond was that we all had big trauma histories coupled with strong desires to better ourselves. It was a world Mitch had never been exposed to and was intrigued by. I’m pretty convinced those first few months of dating he stuck around just for the plot line. 

April 20th, 2014, we made our relationship “Facebook official.” I was over the moon to have such a successful partner, while Mitch enjoyed the newfound world of dance parties and over-the-top strong personalities. We spent all our free time together. I had never camped in a tent before and that summer Mitch taught me how. We went on many camping adventures in those first few years. In the woods of Nebraska and Iowa, I’d escape the hectic world of the frat stoop house parties, deadlines in nursing school, or caring for much-too-large patient loads at work. In those woods, Mitch became my place of solitude, comfort, and calm. He recharged me, and taught me the art of slowing down. 

That fall (after his mother’s gentle push), I gathered my beloved cat Gato, along with the few meager belongings I had and moved into Mitch’s downtown apartment. I thought I could never be as happy as I had been at the stoop house living with all my friends. I was poor as could be, riddled with self doubt, and scared. Yet, for some reason (some may call it love), I dove in headfirst.

From then on, over the course of the last ten years, Mitch and I have formed a beautiful, loving relationship and life. I had the glow up of a lifetime with my sweet man by my side always cheering me on. I got my degree and out of debt (minus those student loans Daddy Biden keeps promising to cancel). I attended hours and hours of therapy to heal my soul. I’ve traveled and camped at so many more places, often with Mitch and our beloved dogs. Together, we stared down death right in its face with my cancer diagnosis. We’ve grown and changed in so many ways, and all for the better, because of and for each other. 

I am so grateful Mitch was enamored by my wild mid-20s life and then continued to stick around to build this beautiful life together. Looking around at all my accomplishments, all the growth I’ve achieved in the last ten years, I know it would have been much harder to do without Mitch by my side. He’s my constant. He’s my peace. He’s my home. There’s no one else I’d rather continue to build and experience life with. 

Here’s to at least 10 more years of adventures, healing, and growing. I hope everyone can find their own Mitch, and as always, have a magical day.