Fantastic Figy Friday

As many of you know, my family is not traditional. I consider my stepsister Katrina’s mom, Jackie, to be my adopted mom and I call her Momma J. Momma J used to work in a breast cancer center and has been a huge resource for me. Besides medical knowledge, she also came with practical knowledge. When I first started chemo and said, “Oh I don’t need anything,” she knew better and came with bags of nonperishables that were easy on the stomach and mouth. In my darkest days, those were the only things I craved and was able to eat. I always tear up thinking about it, because it was such a kind and motherly thing to do for her non-blood daughter. I could go on for days about Momma J, but instead I’ll stick to cancer updates.

Momma J came to town on Friday with her sister Sheila to go to my appointment with Mister Plastics 2021, Dr. Figy. Mister Plastics did not disappoint and was a fun time as always. Seriously, I always leave there laughing and happy even if I don’t get the best news, which was the case here. Mister Plastics informed me that my breast reconstruction we had planned on doing next summer must now be put off for 2 years. This is due to recent research that showed cancer reoccurrences were being missed when reconstruction was done so close to original diagnosis.

When I first heard this from Mister Plastics 2021, I was honestly happy. I had been struggling with how it will look going back to work. Originally, I was going to have a 6-month period where I could work prior to my reconstruction. Then, after reconstruction, I would need 3 months off for recovery. What was stressing me out with that was: who would hire me for 6 months after having 9 months off for cancer and needing another 3 months off so close to hire date? Hearing I now had 2 years free made me excited. That solved one large problem and even opened the door again for travel nursing!

Then I got home. I sat with the news for a while, digested it, and of course got a bit sad. First off, I hate when plans change, but I’ll say it didn’t bother me as much as I thought so I’m making some progress personally. What scares me and makes me sad is being flat, and the recurrence risk.

Feelings on Flat

When this cancer journey first started, I was convinced I’d go flat forever. In recent years, my boobs have just been a nuisance. They had grown too large for their own good. I couldn’t find bras that fit right and had alot of pain because of it. I also had only seen/heard horror stories of reconstruction; all sorts of complications and added pain, plus time off work didn’t sound appealing to me. This very type A me didn’t see the medical necessity even if insurance actually does and pays for it. My mind was made up and I was picking out tattoos to complement my flat chest.

Then I met fantastic mister plastics 2021, Dr. Figy, and the magical world of breast augmentation opened up. His confidence and the new options available for reconstruction excited me. While I knew recovery would be a bitch I still saw reconstruction as my prize at the end of this hell. I was going to get my body healthy in those 6 months, lose some of this chemo weight, and then get the outside to match how I feel inside. I was excited for some always perky boobs. New year, new me, cancer free!

Now I have to wait, which is a big sad. I don’t want to be flat. I don’t want to have to explore and figure out prosthetics. I’m convinced that it’ll be hugely noticeable in scrubs and people will make assumptions about me or even worse, ask. I’m just bummed. Sometimes I don’t want to be the cancer girl and constant advocate. I just want to blend in and be unassuming.

When I’m done being bummed, I’m going to go to Inner Beauty again and get my confidence back. I know that those ladies have tons of things and tricks to make me feel beautiful and womanly. I just have to get through this new little hiccup and feelings first.

Recurrence Risk

The whole reason reconstruction is delayed is because of missed recurrences of cancer. Talk about an instant stress inducer! So many cancers have been missed that now reconstruction must be delayed! Like wait what…..come again…..well shit. Add a new fear to the list. I always knew recurrence and metastasis was a risk, but it wasn’t going to happen to me so I’m not going to worry about it. This delay makes it a bit more of a reality. I’m not going to put it out there into the universe and manifest it, but I’m sure I will be losing sleep over the thought of it. Thank God for Ativan, I guess.

Last Chemo!

To be honest with y’all I’m sort of just ignoring this all right now though, because it’s my LAST CHEMO THIS WEEK! At first, I was a little sad it was my last chemo. I have gotten into a routine and know what to expect with chemo. It may have been hell, but it’s a hell I know plus I had the safety of seeing my doctor every week. I got comfortable and the future is so unknown and uncomfortable.

But then this week came and I’m just so excited I can hardly function. I can not wait to get my energy back! To say goodbye to the bone pain. See ya later inconsistent and always-changing bowel movements. Peace out inability to exercise more than 15 minutes. Adios to weird taste buds. Deuces to red scaly skin. Hello to hair, fun and sunshine!!!!! Get ready, Able and Oliver, cause we be walking and having fun soon!

PS please enjoy these photos from my Tuesday morning billing/insurance-on-hold sessions.