Finances, Love, Gifts

On Friday we met with social work to learn about the resources out there to help us through this journey. Mitch felt like he learned a lot at the visit, me not so much. I was left a bit disheartened, as even with just one income we make a few grand too much a year to qualify for most of the resources out there. Just another way cancer affects ones life, financially.

I’ll be going back to the drawing board (okay google sheets) and making budget adjustments. It’s honestly one of the hardest things for me to accept that our lifestyle will be changing dramactily due to finances. I struggle so much with accepting it, because I worked for ten years to get my nursing degree. I came out of literal state and federal defined poverty. I felt like I had finally arrived. I was achieving long term financial goals left and right! It was exhilarating! We were making huge life plans. Then we got hit by the huge double decker negativity train called cancer. Oh acceptance and grief, my two new unwelcomed friends!

Reminds me of some not so easy foster greyhounds we’ve had in the past. They are going to be here for a while, but not forever. Mitch and I can work together to try and tame these beasts. We will have ups and downs. Grief and acceptance are sure to take a shit in the house and pee on a few beloved pocessions. Mitch and I won’t totally agree on the responsibilities. We will get in a few disagreements over whos carrying the load. But it will be rewarding watching the growth. It will get easier, and even if it doesn’t well they wont be here forever. We are not foster failing on grief but will consider adopting acceptance. Depends on if she stops shitting in the house or not.

Science Lesson!

After a good cry in social work over all of this I went off to get my echo done. An echo is an ultrasound of the heart. It takes about 45 minutes. I had to do this so we have a baseline measurement of how my heart looks/functions. This is because the chemos I will be on can really affect the heart in a negative way. A baseline measurement gives us a comparison to know how much damage the chemo has done (or hopefully not done) to my heart in the future. It also lets us know that my heart can handle the chemo. Don’t want to give a bad heart drugs that will hurt it more. Spoiler alert-my heart looks great right now! Ejection fraction was like 65 or 75%. I can’t remember what she said. It was just good numbers and in tip top shape!!! Here I come chemo!

During the 45 minute echo, I had to lay on side and be quiet while she got the best images possible. I couldn’t talk because if I did the heart would move around and the images wouldn’t be clear. She really pushed the probe into the chest sometimes which was annoying and mildly painful. Silver lining was it was super cool to hear the whoosh whoosh of my heart filling and emptying!!! I have heard these sounds in nursing school but never expected to hear my own whoosh whoosh. I can’t adequately describe how cool this was for me. Must be how mothers feel when they hear the babies heart beat for the first time. A super magical moment for me for sure!

Friend Love

After that I was able to catch a quick nap before we met up with two other couple friends of ours to head out to Crofton Nebraska to go to what is called the nest. The nest is a beautiful cabin/piece of land my friend E.M. parents own. Her parents are seriously the nicest people and have let us come out to the nest multiple times over the years. It has always been a super relaxing experience and beautiful.

E.M. and her partner S.B. knew I needed an escape even before I did! That’s the thing about great friends, they can read you well. E.M. and S.B. facilitated the whole thing with the help of the other couple that went. The other couple has a newborn so I know it was difficult for them to travel and plan but they did it for us.

These two couples showed up in a huge way for us and it was just what Mitch and I both needed. He was able to ride four wheelers and wild out. I was able to rest in a peaceful natural environment, have extra hands to help, spend time with four dogs, and got to snuggle a two month old baby a whole bunch. My friends took care of every meal, every need, and we even all did face masks together!! I left feeling so loved and energized. I tear up a bit even writing about it. Just the amount of love we all have for each other is overwhelming.

**im choosing to use initials to protect the identity of my friends. None of us have time for the COVID police to come after us. Two of us have been fully vaccinated and it was our choice to make this calculated risk. I don’t want to hear it**

Warrior Gifts

Speaking of love and overwhelming. I want to give you, my warriors a huge shout out. You all have steeped up in major ways too! From just reading along and commenting, sending letters and notes, donating to the go fund me, and sending gifts. Mitch and I are amazed by the amount of support we are receiving!! I wanted to highlight that by showing off some of the gifts below. Please don’t feel slighted if I did not include yours. So much as arrived and its hard to get pictures/keep track.

We know not everyone has expendable incomes (we’re joining that crew too) so please know that there will be opportunities in the near future to help in other ways once chemo starts. We could use some help driving me to and from appointments. We want to have a group of people willing to come and hang out the night of and day after my chemo in case I’m having harsh side effects. Might need some help cleaning, organizing, and meal prepping. On my hardest and saddest days its nice to have children to facetime with as they say and do the most ridiculous things. I like seeing dogs too! We have tons of ways people can help that are monetary or non monetary and appreciate every way just as much! I’m going to start reaching out more once chemo starts to those of you who have offered up your help so just hang tight warriors. The opportunities are coming soon. Thank you all for the love and support! Together we can fight and beat this!!!