On Thursdays We Do Chemo

As I draft this, it’s currently 5:00 AM. This week I seem to be on a day-shift nurse schedule waking up at 5:00 AM every day. I don’t mind it. I’ve enjoyed the peace and serenity of the mornings. The day is always full of potential and promise. It’s blissful. It’s full of life.

Today, I woke up at 4:00 AM and just UGGGHHHHH!!!!! I’m still coming to terms with not sleeping well the night before chemo. Like everything else, there’s always something to get used to and accept with cancer. I was annoyed they had chemo scheduled so early in the morning, but now I’m glad. Let’s get it done and slay this beast!!!! I’m up anyway!

Annoyance

Speaking of annoyance…. I had been annoyed with a lot the last two weeks. I get annoyed before I accept situations. I’m annoyed right now that I get annoyed! And now I’m annoyed with the word “annoyed” because it sounds so dang annoying!!! Annoyance aside, let’s get to a recap. I haven’t done a good job keeping you informed dear warriors. Thanks for being patient!

First chemo was two weeks ago. In some ways, the first of everything isn’t as bad as the subsequent doses or visits. I didn’t know what to expect. Today I know what’s coming. I was really down in the dumps about it this week, but I’m getting ahead of myself.

Chemo Hangover

What “it” is…. imagine the worst hangover of your life. It’s kind of like that. Exhausted, drained, everything hurts. You can feel your veins literally crying out for hydration, but you’re terrified to drink too much too fast because of the constant undercurrent of “will I or won’t I puke?” Seriously worst hang over ever. I never thought I’d be grateful for the many hangovers in my early 20s, but I think my days of Disney and living at a basic frat house (shout out to the Stoop House!!) prepared me for this very moment in my life. If I can survive the days of being awake over 24 hours with school, work and parties, I can survive chemo.

Not only are you hungover, it lasts a couple of days. It’s a slow recovery. Thank God for IV FLUIDS Y’ALL!!! Science is amazing and those fluids really do give me a few hours of feeling better. Then it’s back to the slow uphill of feeling better over a few days.

I was really worried at first that I would feel that shitty throughout my whole treatment, but slowly and surely my body got back to almost 100%. It depends on the day how I feel, but for the most part I at least get a few good hours every day. Still learning what I need to take medication-wise for pain, nausea and to poop. I made the mistake of not tapering my meds, so I was in a really weird cycle of “I feel great! Lets do all the things!” to “OH NO, I DO NOT FEEL WELL, LET’S STAY IN BED, I’M GONNA PUKE IF I MOVE, I CAN’T POOP! OH NO, MAKE IT STOP!!!!”

So that made for a fun week or so. My sweet sister Anne has been a trooper, enduring all my texts about my lovely side effects. I’m just now realizing I’m doing the most annoying thing for family and friends that work in health care by blowing her up about my health issues, but I’m gonna pull a Cancer Card on this one. It really does help me a lot to just tell her about it, and she seems to not mind it too much. That’s the thing about working in healthcare; these things don’t gross you out too much. I don’t think most people want a 5:00 AM text about my bowel movements or nausea.

Insurance Drama

Besides side-effect management, had some progress on the insurance front these last two weeks. With the help of both our insurance friend and Chris (at OCI), we picked a new ACA-compliant plan to start on April 1st. Chris was able to get us a premium tax credit based on our projected income and keep us on two separate plans. This means instead of a family out-of-pocket max at $16,000, I’ll only have an individual out-of-pocket max of $7,000 before they cover everything that’s covered in the plan at 100%. Hurray for amazing folks who help us save thousands of dollars!!!!

In regards to our current insurance…. no update there. I think they have until March 29th to respond to the Nebraska Insurance Board complaint. I’m not 100% sure. It might be a few extra days, because I’m sure the Insurance Board needed some time to review our case before contacting them. Then the insurance company has 14 days to respond. I’m really not sure when I’ll hear from them, but the ball is rolling. In the meantime, I’ll continue to accumulate medical debt and now pay two premiums!!! HURRAY! Awesome! Totally cool and not straight bull at all.

Can’t think about that too much or I get really angry. The process is slow, but it’s moving. Have to calm my inner speed-demon ER nurse and trust that we’re doing everything we can to handle this. There’s still more in the works in regards to all of that mess, but again…. I don’t know if some insurance minion is reading this, and don’t want to show all of our cards.

Physical Therapy

Moving right along. I had my second physical therapy appointment since I’ve last checked in with you readers. We reviewed the exercises I will do post-mastectomy and learned how to increase my strength prior to it to set myself up for success. I also learned some life-changing information at that appointment! I am hypermobile: almost double jointed. I never knew that my elbows and knees weren’t supposed to go that far. In fact I used to get secretly annoyed at patients who couldn’t make their elbows as straight as I could. I now know to unlock those joints and give them a rest. Totally life changing and relaxing. Thanks cancer!

Epiphany

Other than that, I’m excited and ready to get today going. Like I said before, at first I was dreading it and really down in the dumps about it. I didn’t want to deal with the chemo hangover after finally getting back to a semi-normal state. I just wanted to feel well and continue to regain my stamina!!!!!

But then, sometime last night I had an epiphany; my mind set changed. I’m ready! Let’s do this! I can totally handle it with my warriors by my side. I’m learning how to adapt. It’s a challenge and I’m up for it. Let’s get it done and beat cancer! After today, I’m officially halfway done with my first two chemos! Only two more doses of this nasty red devil and then on to a hopefully easier-to-handle 12 rounds of every week taxol. Easy peasy, lemon squeezy!

One thing that really helps is my newfound cancer sisters. These are folks who have either been through it or are currently going through it. One of these women is a British lass living in NJ name El. We met through a Zoom meet-up by the support group thebreasties.org. We connected because we are doing the same exact chemo schedule on the same exact days. It’s seriously so helpful to know she’s going through the same exact thing as me. We text and encourage each other. Get and give advice.

Somewhere in that relationship-building, we decided to wear fun leggings to chemo. They are comfortable for the hours-long journey and bring joy. We’re both doing leopard print today!!! See my version below. 🙂

Warrior Spotlight: Coleen

Finally for a new segment I’m going to do. I’m going to highlight one of you warriors! It’s the smallest way I can give back… to recognize you. For my first warrior, I’m going to spotlight a fellow cancer fighter and thriver: Coleen. Coleen is one of my in-law’s neighbors and they connected us through email and then a face-to-face meeting last Sunday. Coleen is just as amazing in person as she is over the web.

She first battled breast cancer nearly 22 years ago with the same exact chemo I’m doing. She is much more badass and worked at a local middle school during treatment! Then nearly 7 years ago, her cancer returned, but metastasized to her spine. She’s now in her third occurrence with a second, but different location, metastasis to the spine. It’s all only temporarily slowed her down. She’s now doing maintenance chemo every three weeks and being a total badass thriver.

She has been a huge support and guide for me. My cancer sisterhood sorority big sister. From our first email thread, I felt comfortable with her. She let’s me just vent it all out and understands it all. I was so excited when I met her in person and our conversation just flowed flawlessly like it did over email. She is a shining example of what it means to thrive through cancer and is my inspiration. Warriors, please go thrive today in honor of Coleen! I know I’m going to and handle this chemo like a queen!!! <3