Thursday Evening Recap

I had been going back and forth in my head of where to start this recap. Do I go in order? Do I start with the good or the bad? I feel like starting with the bad is such a turn off for you warriors, but then we get to end on a high note which I love. So in order, which started very rough, it is!!

Monday’s Left Biopsy

On Monday I went to the Nebraska Medicine Multidisciplinary Breast Clinic at Village Pointe to get the mass biopsied on my left side. Having had biopsies done on my right breast, right axilla and left axilla, I knew what I was getting into and I was not looking forward to it. There were so many times on the drive there that I just wanted to tell Mitch, “You know what? Turn the truck around. Let’s just not. The probability of it being another cancer is low anyway. It’s a waste of our time and money.” But in my heart of hearts I knew that wasn’t true and the biopsy was very important to ensure we’re doing everything to cure me. Imagine how mad I would be if I cured the right side breast cancer, only to be killed by something on the left. So I sucked it up and went forward with it.

How a Biopsy Works

What I knew and was dreading was how biopsies work. Biopsies start with getting injected with lidocaine to numb up the area. Then they make a small incision to insert the biopsy needle. Once the needle is in they guide it to the mass and push a button that takes a piece of the tissue. The mechanics behind it are just like a hole punch. It’s not the worst pain in the world. But it is painful and I knew what was coming this time around. Spoiler alert….the biopsy did not go well.

This F*cking Biopsy

In the room was me, an ultrasound tech, the doctor and the doctor’s resident. I told them I was having an emotional day and asked the tech to hold my hand through it. I promised to stay still if she just held my hand, which she did and I am grateful for. I wished it had been Mitch holding my hand, but COVID restrictions and everything…

Lidocaine Attempt #1

The tech was holding my hand while I was attempting to be strong and the resident was attempting to get the needle in the right place to inject the lidocaine. This should have been easy peasy lemon squeezy; it was not. My breast tissue had gotten so dense that the needle would not budge. When she got close to the area she needed to put some lidocaine in, she had to push with both hands on the plunger because it just would not go in. That felt super awesome…so great. (sarcasm, it did not)

Biopsy Attempt #1

Then she took the lidocaine needle out and put in the biopsy needle. First, she couldn’t even get the needle to move. Then she pushed the biopsy needle beyond where she had injected the lidocaine and it hurt so furiously bad. She had to stop and go through the whole lidocaine injection process again. I felt like I had failed my part as a patient. Why couldn’t I just suck it up, grit my teeth and get the damn biopsy done? Because having a foreign object jammed into your body is not a pleasant experience, Julia! And it should all be numb and not painful!

Lidocaine Attempt #2

Well I was glad somebody (the doctors) had the sense to stop and inject more lidocaine, because the fun was not stopping anytime soon. The resident again struggled to get the lidocaine needle in the right place. The tech was holding my hand, while also holding the probe and bracing my boob to give the resident more leverage to try and jam that sucker in, but the needle would not budge. She finally asked the doctor to try and she took over. Through some luck, fate, skill, who knows what, the doctor was able to get past where we were stuck and get more lidocaine in. It numbed up the area, but now the biopsy needle had to make its way into the breast and to the tumor.

Biopsy Attempt #2

That damn biopsy needle did the same exact thing the lidocaine needle did; it just would not budge. I’m honestly surprised that the resident didn’t start pushing on the doctor’s arms with her to get the needle in the right place. It was seriously like super-glued and stuck. With the bracing, the pushing, the moving it around, and trying over and over, the resident finally got the biopsy needle to reach the tumor and got the necessary samples. All three women where singing my praises telling me how great I was doing the whole time, but it was miserable. I was shaking I was in so much pain and I didn’t even realize it. I just wanted it to be done and was willing to suffer through to get there.

Mammogram Time!

Biopsy done up, next was the mammogram to make sure the biopsy clips they left behind were in the right place. Honestly, after that biopsy the mammogram was nothing! They checked the images and released me to Mitch. Poor guy had no idea the amount of drama he was picking up.

I went home and had a solid breakdown that night. I feel like nothing in this journey has been easy. It’s been a constant one more test, one more image, one more insurance hoop to jump through. I just want to be on chemo and in the battle. I’m sick of all this buildup. Let’s get the damn show on the road.

Tuesday Education Appt

Part of getting the show on the road happened on Tuesday. We had an appointment at Nebraska Cancer Specialists with the nurse practitioner to learn all about the different chemo treatments, the many side effects they can cause, and the drugs I’m going to take to combat the side effects. Mitch was allowed to come with and we learned about all the fun side effects like losing all my hair everywhere, having no immune system, neuropathy (how we put my hands and feet in cooling packs to help avoid it from happening), and of course the all-time nursing school answer favorites of nausea, vomiting, constipation, diarrhea, allergic reaction, and death. As always NCS was amazing and took over an hour teaching us about everything and answering our questions.

Skipping the Wednesday Recap…

You all know how Wednesday went. If you’re behind, check out my blog post. Today I went back and counted how many phone calls I made/received about my cancer. It was 20. Twenty phone calls yesterday just about my cancer. I did the math and discovered I spent 74 minutes on the phone trying to get chemo approved. One minute it was yes. The next, another hoop to jump through. Then no. Then yes. Then no again. It was exhausting.

Thursday’s A New Day

I woke up today and decided I was going to have a good day. I put on my favorite NCIS shirt. I reached out to my hair stylist and asked, “Can we cut my hair short today?” He said yes and I headed his way. I did this after attending a zoom meet-up for a support group (The Breasties) that I recently found. One of the things mentioned at the meet-up was that getting a pixie cut helps with the process of going bald from chemo. Sort of ease into that transition nice and slowly. Diego did an amazing job! If you want his info, please ask me.

Insurance Update

While I was getting my hair cut, Nurse Stacey called and gave me an update: my insurance had denied chemo because one of the main drugs “is not an FDA-approved use of the chemo.” The National Cancer Society disagrees and says that drug is the best option. There are numerous studies backing this information. But the FDA hasn’t given it their “stamp of approval” yet. There is an appeal process NCS is working on, but it takes 72 hours to get a reply after the insurance company receives and processes the appeal. If we attempt to wait for this, it will add even more of a delay to starting my treatment. If we wait and it’s approved, I could do my chemo where I want while the investigation into all my claims is still being processed. But there’s still a chance the insurance company will come back and say my doctors (or I) should have or did know about the cancer prior to my policy starting, and that they aren’t covering anything. To remind you, our insurance company has a year to decide this, so it’s really not worth waiting to hear what they decide. I have to start treatment. NCS just wanted “prior authorization” on my chemo to do it where I wanted, at Methodist.

Stacey and I both agreed that we just don’t have the time to keep putting this off. The 72-hour appeal process would put us at mid-next week, which would be too late to get me on the books for chemo next week. With all that information, it was decided the best course of action would be to go ahead and schedule me at Bergan to get my first chemo dose. This way, my treatment gets started and if it’s not covered for whatever reason, NCS has more options to help me get the bill amount reduced. For now, I’m choosing to not publicly announce when I’m doing chemo. This is because it has changed so many times, I’m worried if I say anything it will change again.

Also this does not mean I am switching doctors. I will still be with Dr. Wells and Nebraska Cancer Specialists. They just rent rooms at different hospitals throughout the city and are their own entity. I will just be getting seen at their Bergan location for my chemo because that specific location is set up better to handle complicated financial cases such as my own. SO that’s where we are at, Warriors. Trying to find the good while still being okay with it when I can’t. Trying to force myself to still find joy and still accept everything. It’s a roller-coaster on a tight rope. Stay magical, my warriors.